Thursday, July 1, 2010

I'm Back, and I've Got a Whole New Life

I have been absent. Not from my mat. I've made it to practice, which has given the last few months a through line. No matter what chaos was happening outside the studio, I hit my mat with varying degrees of sanity, but committed, even when balancing on the lunatic fringe.

My yoga practice is always there for me. As soon as I roll out my mat -- gently and silently, not with the "look at me" thwack and gust of the more aggressive Upper West Side yogi/nis -- I know where I am. More often than not, I surprise myself there. On a hairy morning with not enough coffee and insufficient wake-up time, I ache. My muscles grip for dear life. Nothing gives. Then all of a sudden I do something I've never before been able to do, and I'm reconnected to myself. The trick is getting to the studio. Or at least the floor.

I am now officially unemployed. As the World Turns taped its 13,859th and final episode eight days ago. I flew to Vegas to celebrate the Daytime Emmys -- sadly, we didn't win, but three of our actors took home golden statues. I spent 41 hours on the ground in Nevada, then jetted back home, to wake up Tuesday morning with nothing but possibility staring me in the face. I've been staring back ever since, waiting for one of us to blink.

The past few months have been about wrapping up eleven years of writing for daytime. I put more of my heart into it than I knew until this weekend. And now, all that energy has been freed up. I have no safety net. And no savings. Seriously. None. I'm scared witless.

Fear is not a bad thing. In fact, it's inevitable. Eleven years is a long time to fill any mold. On last night's "So You Think You Can Dance," Bruce Lee reminded me to "Be Water." I'm water spilling out of a broken glass. Where to? Back to the mat. Always we begin again.

So what now?

I signed up for my dear friend Stacy's July Project: 31 Days of Experiencing New Things ( I invite you all to join me. It's summer, after all. I'll start tonight with evening yoga practice -- I'm a morning practitioner, and if I feel up to it, I'll grab a coconut water and stroll over to Lincoln Center afterward to listen to Midsummer Night's Swing. I put MNS on my calendar every year, but somehow I never get there. Time to change that.

Who knows? There may be a tango class in my future. And I'm fascinated with the idea of AcroYoga -- talk about facing your fears -- but I'm afraid no one would partner me at this size... I want to swim laps in Central Park in the early mornings, and ride my back home. And I want to write so many things. There's nothing standing in my way except my brain. But isn't that true for all of us?

The cool thing is, I have no choice but to move forward. The past couldn't be more over. I couldn't take refuge there, even if I wanted. I don't. I'd rather look ahead, and take the wonderful people I've met in my eleven years in soaps along with me. You know who you are. And you know who you aren't. Only adventurers need apply.


tommiecas said...

"The past couldn't be more over." Amen, Leslie. XO

cldplay said...

I'm down for some Midsummer Night's Swing. :-D