Saturday, July 3, 2010

Superfreaks Only

Saturday morning, Independence Weekend. My heart is heavy. It feels physically heavy in my chest, weighing me down. Most likely this can be attributed to an acute case of PMS, exacerbated by the vacuum in the middle of my life where As the World Turns used to be. I feel like there is a rogue wave of tears waiting just behind my eyes -- needing to come out. Tears of release. I know from experience that the only way to climb out of this funk is to hit the mat the way I've planned and surrender to the practice.

Sherman's 11:15 a.m. Saturday class at Yogaworks is my favorite of the week. It is, in fact, the only reason I still go to Yogaworks, and well worth it.

I'm very happy that I've created the kind of life where there's no room for stasis. It's not easy at times like this, but what an opportunity I have now.... again.... to reinvent my world, rather than living in a mold I cast for myself, without knowing it, at the age of 21. I'm so much braver now. I speak up for myself. I trust my choices. I love my friends. I've got no time for bullshit. And I have so much left to say.

So why have I been sitting at my desk in a tshirt and a pair of boxers, watching Seasons 1-4 of the BBC's Waking the Dead nonstop for three days? Hey, nobody's perfect. And it's an excellent show. It's British.

The sad truth is -- Season 5 is not yet out on dvd. So I guess that means I'd better get back to work. I'm excited about the future. I think the reason I've been sitting here staring into space since landing back at JFK on Monday afternoon is that I'm a bit afraid of what may happen next. The good stuff.

I have a framed copy of Marianne Williamson's famous quote on my wall. We've all heard it. I pass it a million times a day and, rather than think about it, nod a "yeah, yeah, I know" nod. But it's a classic for a reason. And I need it now.

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I'm trying to live up to this today. And the only way I know to do it is to go back to basics. Yoga practice. Writing practice. Breathing practice. Love. But first, I'm going to turn up the music and dance.

In honor of my ten year old doppelganger, Olive in Little Miss Sunshine... I bring you my theme song:


Randy said...

Dance Miss Thing! Dance!

Quilty said...

I used to think Olive continued dancing out of fear, but now I have come to believe she is just having too good a time to stop.

David Handelman said...